The Prince Of Tod-Lair (a parody)

Last week was not too great because we had a teething, cold filled, snotty toddler on our hands who couldn’t sleep however much he tried. We were all frazzled and sleep deprived and are just about emerging from the haze and recovering this bank holiday weekend. I have to say that the long cuddles on the sofa were particularly enjoyable, even if we had to watch Peppa Pig, The Wiggles and Sarah and Duck over and over!

Whilst spending hours watching kids tv and patting bub’s bottom to try and get him to sleep, I worked on this parody in a bid to keep my brain busy and awake. I was inspired by a parody I came across on another blog, R is for Hoppit, called ‘I Want To Know What That Is’ by Toddler  (A Foreigner Parody). It had me crying with laughter!

Now, I am from the generation that grew up rapping along to ‘The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air’ by Will Smith so try and have that beat roughly going round you’re head as you read this. I hope it makes you giggle…!

The Prince of Tod-Lair

Now, this is the story all about how
We’ve entered toddler territory now
And if you have have a minute
Just sit right there
I’ll tell you why Mummy spends the day tearing out her hair

Four a.m, some days five, is the wake up call
It’s not just me screaming down the hall
Kickin’ out, cryin’, arms waving everywhere
To the kitchen we run cos I’m a hungry, thirsty bear
When my porridge arrives, I say no not today
Throw it on the floor, give a look of dismay
Mum and Dad dance around me like fools
Really wanting coffee but I set the rules

I don’t want a fresh nappy, I just want to play
Pooing on the carpet as I crawl away
Wigglin’ and whinin’, reachin’ out for a toy
While Mummy holds me back, saying I’m no joy
When the clothes appear, I start to freak
Guess it’s really time that I took a leak
Mummy throws her hands up in despair
Collapses on the sofa, TV’s on over there

For the next few hours Mummy chases me around
Who knew the house could be such a danger ground?
Pressin’ and touchin’, the world is so cool
I know what I’m doing Mummy, no I’m not a fool
When I reach the electrics she says I can’t stay
I have a temper tantrum, never get my own way
It’s times like these Mummy wants an au pair
Thank God, she sighs, it’s the thousand mile stare

Well I’m out for the count but when I awake
I’m buzzing around like I’ve eaten tons of cake
Bubblin’ and smilin’, creatin’ loads of mess
At that, I know, I truly am the best
When we finally get out we head to the park
Mummy we will stay here till it gets dark
Back into the pram? What joke is this?!
I wail and wail to show I’m really pissed

We get back to the house it’s about three or four
I think it’s high time to start playing with the door
Openin’ and shuttin’, fiddlin’ with the lock
While Mummy goes doolally singing Hickory Dickory Dock
When it’s time for a book I get straight on the case
Smacking Oh No George right across Mummy’s face
Well you bought it Mummy so you are to blame
For having to read to me again and again

It’s the end of the day and I’m eating my dinner
Frozen peas and corn are always a real winner
Chattin’ and gigglin’, smilin’ about life
Mum and Dad I don’t mean to cause you so much strife
Now I’m playing with my toys, splashing in the bath
Daddy says it’s bedtime but he’s having a laugh
I get a few kisses here and a little cuddle there
Before going bat shit crazy cos life’s not fair…


My Petit Canard
My Random Musings
Diary of an imperfect mum

11 thoughts on “The Prince Of Tod-Lair (a parody)

  1. Kaye says:

    Omg, this is amazing! Laughing my butt off, haha. Especially the ‘pooing on the carpet as I crawl away’. Seriously, made my day haha. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo

    Liked by 1 person

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